¿No se sienten a veces presionados por las expectativas de los demas? Cada vez estoy mas agobiado por las cosas que los demas pretenden que haga, en vez de disfrutar mi vida como me plazca. Se que lo hacen "por mi bien", pensando que soy inadaptado o algo asi. SPOILERS: solo soy tímido, no soy NEET.
Y eso. Por cierto, no se si mantener vivo mi host o mandarlo a la mierda. Siempre podría hostear el bloj en blogger, en cualquier caso... :/

Etiquetas: blabla lloro

Vacaciones al fin. :3

Etiquetas: irl

EXAMENES
LUEGO
LIBERTAD

He dicho.

Etiquetas: irl

Holiwi.

Etiquetas: wut

Hace rato que no escribo, a pesar de que me pasaron muchas cosas. Voy a intentar recapitular lo que me ha sucedido en estos últimos dos meses, tal vez no de forma cronológica, sino mas bien lo que siento:

Con el paso del tiempo, la novedad de "socializar" e intentar hacerme amigo de mis compañeros se fue disipando; creo que ya me voy dando cuenta lo superficial que puede ser todo. Claro que uno puede objetar que si uno se ve solamente durante clases no son realmente buenos amigos.

Mis problemas a la hora de entablar amistades son mas que obvios a estas alturas, ya que antes podía recaer en el hecho de que eran las primeras semanas de clase; ahora ya todo está establecido y no hay excusas para mi poco interés hacia la gente, me cuesta encontrar una forma de darle vida a una relación mas alla del salón de clases.
Lo cual nos lleva a...

Que quizás le doy demasiada importancia a la única persona que se ha molestado en pasar su tiempo conmigo fuera de la facultad; tal vez es una leve obsesión por la atención que recibo y de verdad no siento nada mas alla que aprecio por soportarme, de alguna manera. Es muy probable que no sea atracción, mucho menos amor, posiblemente solo esté muy agradecido por su companía. Es algo que me he estado planteando durante varias semanas y cada vez cobra mayor sentido.

Académicamente (dicese, notas) me va bien, no puedo quejarme por mi rendimiento; jamas me preocupo por mi desempeño, se que incluso en mis momentos mas depresivos todavía puedo sacarme buenas notas. Si es bueno o malo eso ya no lo se, por un lado puede considerarse "eficiente", pero por otra parte resalta lo poco que me importa mi propia felicidad.

Durante estas últimas semanas he intentado retomar piano, con resultados desastrosos, ya que me cuesta mucho aprender algo por mi cuenta a menos de que me encante o me llame mucho la atención (ej: eventualmente aprendí a editar imágenes en photoshop, hacer sitios que nadie visita, etc.). Me falta una meta u objetivo si de verdad quiero aprender a tocar, siento que estoy perdiendo el tiempo cada vez que intento seguir notas de una partitura.

Quisiera poder decir que luego de cuatro o cinco años he aprendido a ser algo mas que un contador, de verdad. No quisiera llegar a ese momento y admitir que lo único que se hacer es eso, me sentiría un fracasado.

Etiquetas: blabla lloro, irl

Este fin de semana fue bastante terrible ya que sufrí de gastroenteritis...asi que ya podrán imaginarse como termina esto: al menos me ha limpiado el estómago y me siento mas delgado. :3

En cuanto a mi vida de estudiante...

Fue una semana bastante interesante, ya que a pesar de que seguimos haciendo revisión de contenidos (zzz...) pude aprovechar el tiempo para socializar y enterarme un poco mas de como es la gentecita de mi mesa. Resulta que un día toda mi mesa se apareció varias horas antes de que comenzara la clase porque ninguno de nosotros se avivó en revisar los cambios de horario de esta semana. Como estuvimos casi tres horas al pedo, decidimos organizar una mini reunión: nos dividimos las tareas y juntamos lo suficiente para comprar bizcochos, buscar mazos de cartas y todo eso. Fue muy ameno, pude enterarme de algunas particularidades de mis compis, compartimos nombres de animes que nos gustan, openings, etc. Hay uno que se vicia a juegos online pero no creo que deba meterme en ese círculo vicioso (de nuevo).
También hablaban de Magic: The Gathering, me mostraron algunas cartas pero como no entiendo ni pío de eso...aparentemente una de mis compis consiguió un mazo entero por sólo 25 pesos, con cartas raras incluídas. Supongo que es una buena inversión, aún si alguien no jugara a estas cosas...

Después se pusieron a desvariar, comentando como utilizaban código morse para hacer trampa en los exámenes (...), me pareció un poco soso pero bueno...es mucho mas fácil hacerse machetes. Claro que yo no se mucho de eso, ya que jamás me copié. :3

Cambiando de tema, siento que estoy congeniando con este chico, a veces completa mis pensamientos y yo los suyos. Es una sensación extraña, es la primera vez que me pasa esto frente a frente, pero agradable a la vez, ya que siento que es una de las pocas personas con la cual me siento muy cómodo, al menos irl. Me recuerda cuando era mas joven y de verdad tenía buenos amigos...

Etiquetas: irl

Ya que cierta kiwi me lo preguntó, mi vida...en inglés, porque soy demasiado vago como para traducirlo todo:

~AYER~
Martin: I'm back
Martin: my classmates annoy me
Martin: whenever I try to ask stuff to the prof everyone rushes to answer
Martin: as if they feel more important for answering or something
Martin: it's so fucking annoying
~vince: lol
NyanNyanNyanNyanNiHaoNyan: have you ever popped someone's cherry
NyanNyanNyanNyanNiHaoNyan: Martin they do it to show off
Martin: it's pathetic
Martin: we're REVIEWING HIGH SCHOOL SHIT
Martin: what's there to show off?
Martin: faggots
Martin: anyways, I might be angry today or something
Martin: more than usual
NyanNyanNyanNyanNiHaoNyan: you're always angry
Martin: lies
??? Yellowchopsticks [~FKU@1B9B5BF6.7911F95A.A7739C9A.IP] entra
Martin: I don't think I'm making many friends
NyanNyanNyanNyanNiHaoNyan: because you're angry
Martin: because I kind of got angry to a group of people already
Martin: maybe :3
NyanNyanNyanNyanNiHaoNyan: why did you get angry
Martin: maybe I'm just dehydrated
Martin: I was asking about accounting's change of schedule
Martin: and everyone was trying to answer (incorrectly)
NyanNyanNyanNyanNiHaoNyan: what did you tell them
Martin: I kind of said I wanted an answer from the prof, not from them
Martin: kind of loud
Martin: :( I get stressed easily
NyanNyanNyanNyanNiHaoNyan: quiero la respuesta del profesor, no de vosotros!
NyanNyanNyanNyanNiHaoNyan: something like this?
Martin: lol vosotros in south america
Martin: ustedes*
* Koll pats Martin
%Koll: Martin crazy
Martin: I'm not crazy, I just have low tolerance to twats :(
NyanNyanNyanNyanNiHaoNyan: ah
Yellowchopsticks: thats what all the crazies say
Martin: Koll how do you/did you handle your college studies?
Yellowchopsticks: pffft, Koll cant be in college, he's supposed to be in my basement writing fortune cookie messages
NyanNyanNyanNyanNiHaoNyan: you're probably pretty popular with the girls in your classes Martin
%Koll: I didn't yell at my class mates for one Martin
%Koll: ...
%Koll: wait
%Koll: actually i did <.<
Martin: see
Martin: angry black man
%Koll: I dunno, I just fun loving
%Koll: because I made jokes >.>
%Koll: Make jokes mexican boy
Martin: NyanNyanNyanNyanNiHaoNyan yes
Martin: but I don't care about them
Martin: so they quickly change their view towards me
%Koll: who said you have to care about them
??? altoh [~temjin108@Rizon-7BD740E8.hsd1.tx.comcast.net] entra
·?? ChanServ pone modo [+v altoh ]
NyanNyanNyanNyanNiHaoNyan: you should direct them to me
NyanNyanNyanNyanNiHaoNyan: i'll take good care of them
Yellowchopsticks: if you dont care about them, then why bother yelling?
Martin: because I'm only loud when I'm angry/yelling
Martin: I talk softly so they were interrupting me
Martin: when I tried to talk to the prof :(
Yellowchopsticks: but you dont care about them, it shouldnt make you angry
Martin: I know
Martin: I'll try not to do it next time
NyanNyanNyanNyanNiHaoNyan: do you have a nickname
NyanNyanNyanNyanNiHaoNyan: like el enano
NyanNyanNyanNyanNiHaoNyan: or el negro
NyanNyanNyanNyanNiHaoNyan: or la bruja
NyanNyanNyanNyanNiHaoNyan: or whatever
Martin: lol
NyanNyanNyanNyanNiHaoNyan: el cholo
Martin: not yet
Yellowchopsticks: el emeno
NyanNyanNyanNyanNiHaoNyan: el maricon
Martin: oh u
Martin: but no
NyanNyanNyanNyanNiHaoNyan: do they know?
Martin: my terrible secret?
NyanNyanNyanNyanNiHaoNyan: yeah
Martin: considering what happened today
Martin: I'd rather save it until my "angry cunt" image disappears
%Koll: wtf
%Koll: someone from idaho just called me speaking spanish >.>
Martin: was it a girl?
%Koll: ...
%Koll: yes
NyanNyanNyanNyanNiHaoNyan: do you talk with anyone after the classes etc?
Martin: me?
Martin: yes
Martin: a girl and a guy
Martin: I keep forgetting to ask this guy's phone number
Martin: to keep in touch, of course
%Koll: sex him up >.>
NyanNyanNyanNyanNiHaoNyan: touch where
NyanNyanNyanNyanNiHaoNyan: is the girl cute
Martin: I suppose she is
NyanNyanNyanNyanNiHaoNyan: what do you talk about
Martin: we talk about our classes
Martin: the girl tries to talk about some other stuff but I don't give a shit
NyanNyanNyanNyanNiHaoNyan: other stuff like what
Martin: about us, where did we study before
Martin: how long ago, etc
Martin: compliments me on my accounting knowledge
NyanNyanNyanNyanNiHaoNyan: she wants your dongue
Martin: it's annoying
NyanNyanNyanNyanNiHaoNyan: then why do you talk to her
Martin: I had a creepy moment with the guy
%Koll: you rather the guy talk to you about stuff?
NyanNyanNyanNyanNiHaoNyan: tell us more
%Koll: did he see your cock?
%Koll: balls touching?
Martin: I asked him if he had a brother named here (because they were like, identical)
Martin: and he said that yes, it was his deceased brother
%Koll: ...
%Koll: nice going
NyanNyanNyanNyanNiHaoNyan: ...
Martin: ...turns out they didn't share last names
Martin: so it was a false alarm
Martin: but yeah, shakey beginning of our friendship
Martin: he still likes me, in a way
NyanNyanNyanNyanNiHaoNyan: how did he die
Martin: I always help him on math/accounting etc
Martin: his brother was 4, so yeah
Martin: I'm not going to ask him for details
Martin: that's creepy
Martin: the main problem is that he also shares names with this highschool guy's brother
Martin: so it was a really strange coincidence
NyanNyanNyanNyanNiHaoNyan: first name?
Martin: yes
NyanNyanNyanNyanNiHaoNyan: wow
%Koll: Martin just his cockk and be done with it
Martin: I'll cock him all over :3
NyanNyanNyanNyanNiHaoNyan: how did you first talk to him
??? Robby [~Robert@one.vision.one.purpose] cierra [Ping timeout: 240 seconds ]
Martin: I reserved a spot on our table for him, then at the end of the class I asked him if he had a brother called
Martin: and so it began
Martin: <_< I fail at making friends apparently
%Koll: just
%Koll: talk >.>
%Koll: lol
NyanNyanNyanNyanNiHaoNyan: our table?
Martin: no, my table is full of SilverHeimdall quality nerds
Martin: they're intimidating/sad
Martin: I don't want to relate to them
NyanNyanNyanNyanNiHaoNyan: heh
Martin: ...the other tables are full
NyanNyanNyanNyanNiHaoNyan: at lunch?
NyanNyanNyanNyanNiHaoNyan: or during class
Martin: no, during class
NyanNyanNyanNyanNiHaoNyan: or what
NyanNyanNyanNyanNiHaoNyan: i see
Martin: we're too many, so I go early to have a spot
Martin: I hope a lot of people fail on our first exam
NyanNyanNyanNyanNiHaoNyan: do they talk about role playing games?
Martin: so that I can go later to class
Martin: they did talk about nerdy math shit and lord of the rings
NyanNyanNyanNyanNiHaoNyan: what about the girl? how did you first talk to her?
Martin: she talked to me
Martin: I was messing with my cellphone and she asked for my number
NyanNyanNyanNyanNiHaoNyan: wow
Martin: because I helped her with accounting during the class
NyanNyanNyanNyanNiHaoNyan: she wants your dongue
Martin: lol
%Koll: you should fuck her
Martin: ...why?
Martin: if anything, this guy has better odds
Yellowchopsticks: cause Koll told you to
%Koll: just for the experience
Martin: I wouldn't mind if I was bi but I seriously have no feelings towards her
Song_of_Nephilim: what the fuck are you faggots talking about
Martin: :( I'm not a jerk
Martin: I wouldn't want some guy to just fuck me and then ditch me when he's done
Martin: neph, my college life
Martin: strangely not that gay
Martin: (for now)
Song_of_Nephilim: so
Song_of_Nephilim: you found a guy already?
Song_of_Nephilim: I'm happy for you shig
Martin: and a girl
Song_of_Nephilim: ah so you're playing both teams now
Song_of_Nephilim: I guess that's fine too
Martin: I need a cat now
NyanNyanNyanNyanNiHaoNyan: a cat is fine too
Song_of_Nephilim: gays keep dogs they say
Song_of_Nephilim: they say
Martin: dogs are cooler
Song_of_Nephilim: I wish I had a cat, but as my grandma put it, no matter how much I love cats
Martin: I want a husky
Song_of_Nephilim: they're bound to have misfortune with me
Song_of_Nephilim: what
Song_of_Nephilim: ew dogs
Martin: cats don't give a shit about you
Song_of_Nephilim: actually they do
Song_of_Nephilim: just don't rear persians
Song_of_Nephilim: those are
Song_of_Nephilim: hm, well, persians
Martin: leave the door open, watch the cat never come back
Song_of_Nephilim: what
Song_of_Nephilim: my cats are always outdoors
Song_of_Nephilim: *were
Song_of_Nephilim: they'd always come back
Song_of_Nephilim: unless they died
Song_of_Nephilim: which was often
Song_of_Nephilim: ;_;
Martin: good
Martin: how can you like cats?
Song_of_Nephilim: because
NyanNyanNyanNyanNiHaoNyan: i like pussies
Song_of_Nephilim: neko wa kawaii desu ne
Martin: wrong kind of pussy
Song_of_Nephilim: Pretty much my whole family like cats I dunno
Song_of_Nephilim: then again my siblings love puppies too, while I hate them
Song_of_Nephilim: haet
* Seny Julie says cats are for faggots
Seny: hm
Martin: oh god corgis
Martin: they're so cute
Seny: did julie actually disable that script?
Song_of_Nephilim: local, short haired stray cats are very affable really
* Seny pokes julie
Song_of_Nephilim: it's only those spoilt, pedigree cats that don't give a fuck
Seny: oh lord she did heh
NyanNyanNyanNyanNiHaoNyan: i doubt julie would say cats are for faggots
NyanNyanNyanNyanNiHaoNyan: considering she has one
Martin: she's a faggot
* Koll yawns
Martin: so anyways...homework time

~HOY~
Martin: <3
Martin: I got his phone number
NyanNyanNyanNyanNiHaoNyan: nice
??? Yeefbear [~Kaz@Rizon-F751E16A.dyn.optonline.net] cierra [Read error: Connection reset by peer ]
NyanNyanNyanNyanNiHaoNyan: send him an sms
Martin: also, a bunch more, too
NyanNyanNyanNyanNiHaoNyan: saying you're thinking about him
Martin: my whole table, actually
Martin: oh u
NyanNyanNyanNyanNiHaoNyan: but they're nerds
Martin: I know :(
Martin: hopefully reliable ones
Martin: and I got one from an old classmate
Martin: like, 7+ years old
Martin: ...I forgot her name but I was too embarassed to ask
NyanNyanNyanNyanNiHaoNyan: i didn't know you were into children
Martin: so I have her number but not her name
Martin: 16
Martin: I was 16 when we met
Martin: :3
NyanNyanNyanNyanNiHaoNyan: under what name did you put her number
Martin: I haven't added any yet
NyanNyanNyanNyanNiHaoNyan: oh you wrote it on paper?
Martin: I'm too slow when it comes to cellphone usage so I just made them write it on paper
Martin: yes
Martin: :(
NyanNyanNyanNyanNiHaoNyan: she didn't write her name ?
Martin: she was like
Martin: "of course you remember my name, right?"
NyanNyanNyanNyanNiHaoNyan: lol
Martin: derp derp indeed
Martin: I'm almost sure her name was *censurado :3*
Martin: but I guess if I ever call her I'll have to guess her name
NyanNyanNyanNyanNiHaoNyan: you don't really have to say her name to call her
Martin: hey...you!
NyanNyanNyanNyanNiHaoNyan: lol
%Scott: All you need to do is introduce her to a friend
NyanNyanNyanNyanNiHaoNyan: is she cute
%Scott: Then you go "Hey, this is my friend ________" and then get your friend to ask her name back
%Scott: So you introduce your friend but not her
NyanNyanNyanNyanNiHaoNyan: you can introduce me to her
Martin: sure
NyanNyanNyanNyanNiHaoNyan: if she's cute
Martin: but no
%Scott: And by the way, if someone knew me for 7 years and didn't know my name I'd punch them in the face
Martin: um
Martin: I stopped talking/seeing her 7 years ago
Martin: we didn't keep in touch, etc
%Scott: Here come the excuses
Martin: I know :(
NyanNyanNyanNyanNiHaoNyan: lol
%Scott: I can remember everyone and their second name from when I was little
Martin: I remember faces
Martin: mostly not names
%Scott: It's just their birthdays I tend to forget after a while
%Scott: Unless they had some sort of awesome party
Martin: oh I never remember anyone's birthday
Martin: unless it's an easy date (ie: like mine)
NyanNyanNyanNyanNiHaoNyan: when's your birthday
Martin: 26 december
Martin: hard to forget

Y eso. ;D